“It is late, so there is no line for the fortune teller.
While outside the cool night air is scented with caramel and smoke, this tent is warm and smells of incense and roses and beeswax.
The fortune-teller’s face is hidden behind a fine black veil, but the light catches her as she smiles.
She has no crystal ball. No deck of cards.
Only a handful of sparkling silver stars that she scatters across the velvet-covered table, reading them like runes.”
Reading them like magic.
THE FUTURE ONLY BACKWARDS
I adore the above passage from Erin Morgenstern and find it to be quite a fitting prelude to sharing my recent ruminations after 3 years of early retirement. Oddly, it’s as poignant now as it was on my first day of retirement. What would – what could – those sparkling silver stars reveal about our future, about the endless cavalcade of joys and disappointments that comprise our lives? The real magic is that the future cannot be coaxed to share itself, even by the most accomplished of fortune-tellers.
The true beauty and magic of living a life is the constant uncertainty. The not knowing.
As the classic adage goes, “timing is everything” and indeed it has certainly been a profoundly interesting time to have recently retired. Moreover, my initial retirement plan was somewhat anomalous, thereby making it a trifle more stress-laden than many others, but I’ve still made it through to tell the tale.
Regular readers know that immediately upon my retirement, I began the process of building Fate Estate up here in the Washington countryside. In addition, I was simultaneously prepping my home in Southern California for sale. I would consider these both to be somewhat large-scale endeavors with each having massive financial implications. The fact that I had done neither previously made it all the more challenging and time consuming. In essence, it rendered my first 14 months to being a project manager, rather than the typical ‘International Man of Leisure’ that many envision as the lifestyle for the recently retired.
Moreover, the former Ms. Fate’s health took a turn for the worse which was an unexpected tribulation that required all manner of suffering through the Byzantine bureaucracy of the healthcare system with seemingly endless trips for diagnosis and then treatment. This was assuredly difficult, but made excessively worse with certain entities choosing not to do the right thing which ultimately required me taking several legal actions. We made it through the process, but it was a colossal and emotionally horrific experience that dragged on until the middle of last year.
So, as one might imagine, after nearly a year-and-a-half of “retirement” I was elated to finally get moved in to the new home. It had been a long, hard, but rewarding road as the house turned out brilliantly. It was late February 2020 when I first arrived. Finally. It was time to get out and play a bit and live a little.
Then the world shut down 13 days later. Such began all our collective “lost year” amid the COVID crisis. Ain’t that some shit?
Okay, so what was that about timing again? Oh, last, but not least, I also ended my marriage earlier this year, adding yet another major life change. So there you have it. All of this comprised the first 2.5 years of my retirement. Whew!
When I was contemplating all of these changes, I did discover Dartmouth University had developed a “Life Change Index” wherein 30 or so items are assigned a numerical value, the total of which correlate to the likelihood of a major illness. I scored over 300, thereby putting me at 80%, the highest (read: worst) score.
Strangely, I’ve actually never felt better than I have over the past 9 months. In fact, I can confidently state that this time period has been among the best times of my entire life. My health, my head, my heart and spirit are all soaring on unprecedented highs. Spring, Summer and, now, Fall have been profoundly dazzling and 2022 is shaping up to be one of the best years yet!
WHAT’S THE SEQUENCY, KENNETH?
One of the most frequent, and frankly legitimate, fears that aspiring retirees have is the complete uncertainty of what type of market they are retiring in to. As such, we all pay close attention to and model out numbers attempting to somehow get those shining silver stars to assess what our real sequence of returns risk might actually be.
This is, unequivocally, one area where fortune has shined. In fact, she’s shined so very hard. I’ve not done the research, but in terms of market performance, it’s arguably, one of the best times in history to have retired. And for that, I am very, very grateful. It’s been such that not only has the risk of returns sequence been entirely obviated, it has actually had the opposite outcome of not only ensuring solvency, but will, likely, result in a healthy legacy.
I recently had the privilege of being interviewed by personal finance cool-cat and bon vivant, Freddy Smidlap, wherein I received a question about what, if anything, I’d do differently. My response? If I knew that the market performance was going to be what it’s been, I would have retired 5-7 years earlier, but, alas, there was no black-veiled fortune-teller with a handful of sparkling silver stars about. Ces’t la vie.
All that said, it is a relief to no longer consider early retirement returns as well as experiencing historic market highs. I feel a bit like Theseus after having conquered the Minotaur in the labyrinth. Definitely some excellent timing on this front.
CLARITY OF VISION, CLARITY OF DREAMS
Throughout the past 3 years, I have stumbled on a few interesting revelations that have, fundamentally, shifted my perspective in a positive way, allowing me a level and depth of clarity that I previously lacked. They weren’t necessarily large, one-time events or moments, but more of a gradual, almost imperceptible, awakening of sorts.
Like many of us, prior to retirement I lived a very hectic and busy life, particularly professionally with a big job, weekly plane travel, and large amounts of responsibility. Aside from that were all of the other facets of my life with relationships, friends, family, hobbies, and the usual domestic chores. Of course, I was keenly aware how busy I was and that life was, principally, focused on managing by the minute. Not unlike a bee, relentlessly flitting about from flower-to-flower. Basically, I was in a perpetual state of distraction.
Despite all of the sundry initial retirement activity above, I slowly started to become less distracted and, as a consequence, more aware. Again, it was a very slow process and the revelation manifested itself this past Summer. Assuredly, it’s easier to become more philosophical when there are very few demands on your time, but I’ve really become more aware of the universe, it’s vastness and my, fleeting life in it.
While it may sound morose, I am far more aware of my own mortality. I’ve come to realize that even with my 30 statistically remaining years, there’s not enough time for me to experience, do, and see all the things I would like to. However, it really has served to be an inspiration and motivation for me to aggressively get out there and truly live life to it’s fullest because this journey’s only one-way ticket long.
My pal, Dave, over at Accidental Fire recently published a similar article reflecting on his 4 years of semi-retirement. In the article, Dave, shares a few of the things he continues to wrestle with including, “I’m still struggling with crafting big dreams for my second act in life.” When I read this, I did find some solace in the fact that I am not the only one challenged by this knotty issue.
In fact, I have difficulty even defining what this means to me. Part of me recognizes and appreciates that all my Big Dreams, be they academic, professional, artistic and financial, have all been realized, so is it even reasonable to expect any more? Another part of me questions if living a life of fulfilled dreams is, in fact, the actualization of a big dream in itself – the ability to live a life on my own terms in a purposeful and intentional way?
But, as Dave espouses, it is the activity of dreaming big that is the key to much of success in life. More a way of being than a thing achieved. However, as I’ve thought about the above, I’m convinced, particularly in the context of my volunteering, that my next big dream is not about me, it’s about others. What does that mean, specifically? I don’t know yet. But I do know if I continue to dream big, those sparkling shining silver stars will show the way when the time is right.
All in, I must confess the first 3 years of retirement have been a wild adventure, just like the rest of my life has been and, likely, will continue to be. I’m curious to see what the next 3 years brings.
What a crazy 3 years Mr. Fate: changing employment status, marital status, locations, and then having to weather almost two years in a pandemic! But I’m glad to hear that you’re coming out the other side much closer to the zenith than the nadir. Having read your blog over the past year or two, it seems that you’ve already lived an extraordinary life, but I’m sure you’ll be able to top this in your next act. Here’s looking forward to 2022!
Hey Adam and thanks for the comment! For sure, it’s been a wild ride yet this past year’s finally felt like retirement and 2022 is shaping up to be even better!
A lot of changes in short period but it seems to be worth it.
Hi DP and thanks for the comment! Yep, it’s been a whirlwind of sorts, but as you point out, totally worth it now I’m out on the other side of it all! Life is spectacular!
Not going to lie, this blog is pretty GD badass. Have binged many earlier posts and will be following for updates.
I’m finishing my 4th year of early retirement and have had a similar revelation in the realm of philosophy. A quiet mind allows for space to explore and grow. I’m waist deep in Stoicism and many of your reflections here are at the core of this ancient philosophy. Marcus Aurelius said it best: “Don’t behave as if you are destined to live forever. What’s fated hangs over you. As long as you live and while you can, become good now.” Keep up your beautiful work here.
Recently discovered this blog and appreciate the thoughtfulness evident in the writing and the intent behind the content. My own start to FI/RE was also met with many unexpected twists so I can relate to this journey. Love the reference to the Minotaur and the Labyrinth. I suppose after facing and conquering one’s worst fears, the hero must then follow the golden thread all the way back up so more circumambulation to be expected rather than a swift ascend. Also interesting to note the name given to the Minotaur by his mother is Asterion, which literally means the starry one. Maybe the sparkling shining silver stars were down on the bottom of the labyrinth all along..
Hey Babylon and thanks for the comment as well as a) finding my site b) reading it and, most importantly c) the very kind words. I deeply appreciate it! Nice to know I’m not alone in having a somewhat turbulent launch into early retirement!
Not going to lie, my mythologic lore is pretty GD weak, particularly given how much I read. Clearly, I know the Minotaur/Labyrinth and glad you appreciated it. I was unaware of the rest, but the Asterion/Starry reference you share here totally ties everything together! “Sparkling stars down at the bottom of the labyrinth all along.” Yes! Just yes!
hey hey, mr. fate. i appreciate the mention and your perspective. that sure was a lot to take on in the 1st 2.5 years of retirement. the part that really resonates with me is the feeling of living a life of goals fulfilled. i feel like i’ve checked a lot of experience and success boxes and wonder “what’s next?” that’s a big hard question and like a few of the comments i’ve decided to just let it come to me. i don’t doubt it will be in service of something either big or small.
you mention the possibility of retiring a few years earlier had you known the future market conditions. man, it’s so much harder when you are immersed in the “right now” with no benefit of hindsight for guidance. a larger cushion isn’t the worst thing in the world, eh?
Hey Freddy! Hope you and the Mrs. had a kick-ass Thanksgiving! Yep, it’s been an interesting, exciting journey thus far as life always is. Agree with just living a good life and enjoying the fruits of all the hard work and decades of grinding. The next big dream will appear whenever the stars align.
In absence of that crystal ball, I have zero regrets about my plan and very thankful that the market’s performed the way it has. An even larger cushion just means we can have super-snazzy digs, unlimited eats and primo vino at Smidlap-Fate Con in NOLA!
Thanks for the shout-out PoF! Deeply appreciated!
Interesting to look back and realize that the market has OUTperformed your expectations!
Lots of changes in there–some good, some not so good. Continue to dream big and live to the fullest, friend! 🙂
Thanks for the comment Froo! Much appreciated. Yes, I can’t think of a pre-retirement financial simulation that took into account a massive market over-performance, but grateful that it worked out that way in reality.
Yep, I’ll keep chugging along with life’s ups and downs and reporting back. Thanks for reading!
Great post. Love the writing style. Man, talk about going through a bunch of changes in a short amount of time. Change, while necessary and unavoidable, can be tough, but it looks like you’re handling things in stride. I wonder if not working intensifies the changes, and also helps with moving on, since you have to deal with things and don’t have work as a distraction, like you allude to. One of the reasons your blog is so appealing to me is that you give insight into the mysterious early retirement beyond. Keep up the great writing and congrats on the 3 years.
Thanks for the comment and kind words Noel. It means a lot. There’s always a ton of change in life in general and it always pays to move through as best one can and try to enjoy the ups and not sweat the downs (too much anyway).
Hey Mr. Fate and another great reflection. Just me personally, but I love getting these little glimpses into people’s lives and how they process the challenges they’ve faced.
Is that quote from “The Night Circus”? Morgenstern isn’t my normal style of fantasy that I read – I’m more of an epic grim/dark kind of guy – I guess it just goes with the gallows humor. Haha. But I love her writing and was glad I read that book. For lack of better description, there’s just this natural beauty and rhythm to her style that I find so entrancing.
“The true beauty and magic of living a life is the constant uncertainty. The not knowing.” Spot on. We curse the “not knowing” in one breath and then in another it will be the music to which we dance.
Anyone in your shoes, having pulled the plug right before the pandemic, is in true “unprecedented territory.” I’m glad it worked out so well.
I had no idea about the split with your wife until you dropped a line in Freddy’s interview. That can be a whole other “unprecedented” event in itself. Something I hope I never have to experience, but understand is always a realistic possibility and many times outside of our control. I hope you find closure and healing as you begin the next chapter of your life.
Best of luck and can’t wait to here about the next three years!
Thanks Q-FI. Hope you and the fam had a nice Thanksgiving. Yep, the primary purpose of Fates is being that “Fire Aethernaut,” venturing out into early retirement and reporting back. Happy to share my thoughts and shenanigans with those aspiring to do so and to provide some sense of what it’s actually like.
Yep, it’s from “The Night Circus.” Morgenstern’s writing is so mesmeric and gorgeous. Baudelaire said, “Always be a poet, even in prose” and she totally nails it. Anyway, that passage is great and it was also an Easter egg of sorts for the upcoming Fates on Fire Book Awards.
Change is always hard, but that one needed to occur and was a long time coming. Grateful to have made it through and am so delighted living my new chapter. Plus, it’s given me all sorts great experiences for the new “I’m Single, Let’s Mingle” series which I’ll launch early next year.
Man that’s a lot of huge changes all at once, don’t think I would have weathered that as well as you did. Your optimism is awesome dude. Thanks for the nod to my post, and it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one. Your optimism is rubbing off on me, and like you I’m certain that a good part of my next act in life will revolve around giving back, I just need to find the best way to do it. I know if I find something that I’m fully stoked about it’ll drive me to kick ass, take names, and give 110%.
Congrats on three years and the best are still to come!
Thanks Dave and hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving. If nothing else, all this wild life change in a few year certainly proved the power of being optimistic. I had many a bad day, of course, but not one where I knew all of this was a path to somewhere better and brighter. And it’s certainly turned out that was. I have a lot to be thankful for.
Yeah, your post really resonated as I’ve been noodling that “next big dream” thing for a bit. I sounds like we both agree it we’ll get more clarity when the time is right. In the meantime, just living life itself pretty damn great!
Congratulations on three years of early retirement! Enjoyed reading about your thoughts on the matter. Sorry that the first half was a struggle, but glad to hear that you’ve made it through and are beginning to enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Sometimes I wonder if we’re all trying so hard to figure out our grand purpose in life, when the grand purpose is just to live it and appreciate each new day and experience. I certainly haven’t figure out mine yet. Happy holidays!
Hi Mrs. RFL and thanks for the comment and kind words. It’s definitely been interesting that’s for sure, but I’ve still loved it! Even during some of the tough times I told myself, “Well, at least I don’t have to go to work today.”
Agreed on just living the dream and actively appreciating each day being a pretty fine grand purpose!