THE YEAR IN REVIEW: 2019 CAN SUCK MY…

2019 was my first full year of early retirement and I was truly looking forward to all of the new, exciting adventures, experiencing life from the vantage of a financially free individual, and finally being able to eschew mundanity and embrace magic. What I actually got was a rather ugly, gruesome, soul-rending kick in the nuts.

Without hyperbole, 2019 was, unequivocally, the worst year of my life in most all respects. It’s been devilishly difficult to compose this article as it was such a traumatic experience and the emotional and psychological scars are still quite fresh.

To be fair, much of the shit-show we suffered was self-inflicted. We knew well before the year began, that 2019 was slotted to be one of transition and that there were a number of large, complex moving parts that we needed to initiate and contend with such as building a new home from the ground up, simultaneously sprucing up and selling our current one, and then moving the Fate family from So. Cal. to our property in the Washington countryside. We also knew that Ms. Fate was contending with some rather serious health issues. However, it was the seemingly daily barrage of unplanned, unpropitious and surprise beat-downs that resulted in things getting hideously unpleasant and staying that way until the bitter end.

2019 CAN SUCK MY…

Since I’ve previously documented many of these unsavory events, I won’t belabor the specifics, but the summary is that Ms. Fate was diagnosed with a rare, incurable medical condition that rendered her permanently disabled and caused indelible damage to her mental acuity. In addition, she partially lost the ability to speak and read. Moreover, the chemotherapy-esque treatment means 20% of her life going forward is comprised of sitting in a chair getting infusions and spending the subsequent days recovering. Without putting too fine a point on it, her former life and, to an extent, ours is over. It will never, ever be the same. Of course, we’ve no choice but to play the hand we’re dealt and we’ll adjust and live life to the fullest extent allowable.

If this alone wasn’t enough, I unfortunately had to initiate three separate legal actions against entities who, for whatever reason, chose not to do the right thing in the above matter. I’m not a litigious person, but when you fuck with me or my family, I’ll spare no expense bringing you to your knees and making you pay for it. As you would guess, this was intensely frustrating, time consuming and distracting.

While all this was playing out, my attention was still demanded on project managing the construction of Fate Estate and making improvements on and then selling our current home. Overall, the construction, ultimately, went okay. I’ve not done it before, so I don’t have any basis for comparison. My general contractor was trustworthy and the quality of craftsmanship is unsurpassed, but the project ended up being three months late and about 10% over budget. And I had to hire yet another lawyer to deal with some ridiculous permit issues that he, fortunately, made short work of. Nevertheless, not being onsite during the build was stressful, but not nearly as much as the sale of our home.

Our place in So. Cal. is in a great, highly desirable area with most homes selling in about 45 days. I know our place is very unique for a number of reasons and I knew it would take longer to sell, but not the over 7 months it actually took. And that it would take 3 sales before it actually occurred. I never could have imagined the sheer stress of living in a staged house with a very sick spouse all the while having potential buyers constantly pop in where we would have to pack up the Fuzzy Fates and leave for the showing. It was insane. Ms. Fate was in no condition to handle the “pre-showing ritual” so I could never really leave or plan anything. It felt like living in an airport, where you may have the basic amenities, but you’re effectively trapped on site. It was a unfathomable level of anxiety on all of us including the cats who, sadly, suffered health issues as a result of the constant disruption for months on end.

And all of this went on every, single day of 2019. The level of strain and agony experienced by the coalescence of each of the factors truly transcends words; it is literally impossible to articulate. The relentless cannonade of shit for an entire year was, without question, the greatest level of mental and psychological trauma I have ever had to endure. While I am an optimist and generally believe that things will always be fine, this trial beat me down hard. They say one can choose one’s reaction, but I struggle with that. Trying daily to look at the stars when you’re in the gutter is difficult for anyone, particularly me. Admittedly, through all of this I slowly devolved into the absolute worst version of me I have ever experienced. As I’ve previously stated, my natural reaction to conflict and fear is aggression. I am not proud of that and remain deeply regretful of the furious, unpleasant, unkind, unmitigated asshole I was on many, many occasions throughout 2019.

I CAN SEE A LITTLE LIGHT

Nothing ever lasts forever, of course, and it was during the holidays that we finally began to see a faint glimmer of sun peek its head above the darkened clouds. Two of the three legal actions were concluded in our favor and the last one will likely have the same result by mid-2020. Our house sold at a great price and we, at the time of this writing, are preparing to move to our beautiful new home in a few weeks. Ms. Fate’s health will never recover, but the treatment appears to be preventing it from becoming worse. 2020 is beginning to feel like the dawning of a new day for us.

Phew, that was a lot and, frankly, it was a bit cathartic just writing it down and purging it. While 2019 was a bitch of a year, there were some good things as well and a smidgen of fun here and there. First, the Fates On Fire project (aka this blog) launched and I’ve had a blast with it. Writing and meeting new blog folks has been a great joy and I’ll feature all of this in an upcoming article. Despite all the shit going on, I still got outside and exercised every single day in 2019. Whether it was a quick 3-mile walk or a day of kayaking, I was still out there and loving it. I’m certain that this is why I didn’t end up in the hospital from a heart attack or aneurysm.

I also spent more time with friends than ever and it felt great. I re-discovered my passion for creating music, got my old band back together, and started a new music project. I read 216 books, including 32 in one month alone. I was the world’s first person to live a modern life for a month without any screens/internet connection and document it. I embraced my inner nerd and got back into board gaming. I started a consulting business and made a couple of bucks while helping friends. I also stopped watching TV and all social media (except Twitter for FOF). Ironically, 2019 was, financially, the best year of my life. What with the frothy market, proceeds from the home sale and the other aforementioned items, let’s just say we did nicely.

PAINFUL, BUT VALUED LESSONS

If Neitzche was right in that whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger then, today, I’m goddamn Hercules. I honestly believe that 2019 will go down as the most epic trial of my life and that I have garnered some learnings that will both prepare me for times of adversity in the future and help to make me a somewhat better person. First, I cannot overemphasize the value of financial independence. Amid all the shit swirling around I never had to worry about becoming insolvent. Yes, there were many times where we were clobbered with totally unexpected, five-figure expenses, but because of our FI plan, we could easily cover them. While I worried incessantly over a great many things in 2019, fortunately, money wasn’t one of them. Most importantly, was that I did not have to go to a job everyday. I am eternally grateful for this. In fact, given Ms. Fate’s health situation I absolutely would have had to quit my prior job that kept me out of state 4 days per week, which would have otherwise made for a catastrophic year.

Secondly, I was reminded that, truly, nothing ever does last forever and that there will always be good times and bad times and it’s important to recognize and embrace that. This means that things can also change quickly and permanently as in the case of Ms. Fate’s health. We certainly didn’t plan for this and, sure, we’ll have to pivot and make changes to our FI journey, but that does not mean it’s game over; it’s just going to be a bit different than originally expected. I also know this will not be the last thing in life that will cause us to do this – it’s just how life works. And while it hurt immeasurably to acquire this awareness, it was actually, a great lesson to learn in the initial year of early retirement.

Lastly, I learned to never build and sell a house simultaneously, particularly in different states. Oh yeah, also if you ever need to hire lawyers, only hire the absolute best.

2020 – BRING IT!

Like many of you, each year I write down goals, and I’m doing the same this year, with a small proviso. As a former corporate big-wig I know all about the fact that goals need to be specific, measurable, realistic and time-bound and that’s always how I make mine. In light of 2019, I’m doing the opposite – I’m keeping to one word goals.

MOVE – This is precisely what it says. Move from Southern California to the new Fate Estate in the Washington countryside.

CREATE – I’ve declared “Creativity” as my theme for 2020. I’m moving forward with my new music project, continuing with Fates On Fire and writing a couple of short stories I plotted in 2019. I did build out a dedicated studio for these endeavors at the new place, so I’m anxious to get going once Goal 1 is accomplished.

RELAX – There was zero relaxation in 2019. While I didn’t have a full-time job as in prior years, I did work as a project manager, realtor, paralegal, caretaker, and business executive every single day. I’ll still have a bit of that, but I’m committed to having way more mental space so I can just relax a tad.

ADVENTURE – Sadly, there were no adventures in 2019 (at least not any good ones). Because of the constant shit storm, I actually did significantly less fishing & kayaking than usual and did absolutely no hiking, camping, archery, sightseeing, exploration, vacationing and travel. I aim to get these back to prior years’ norms in 2020.

SERVE – I shut down all work/production on our social enterprise and life-saving side hustle in 2019, but will start things back up in 2020. I also built space for the business as well. In addition, I’ve already made arrangements to volunteer at the local cat sanctuary and school library in our new area.

Anywho, that’s it. I’m grateful to have survived 2019 and looking forward to a much different and positive 2020. I sincerely hope no one ever has a year like this and here’s to a spectacular 2020 for all of you!

Until next year….