TRUST

For all manner of reasons, I can’t recall such a confluence of narratives, both anticipated and unexpected, in all of my life. From rapid currents and swirling eddies to still waters in deep pools, the flux of people, places and events over the past year have left me simultaneously exhausted and exhilarated. If ever I’ve had occasion to examine the nature of trust, it has been now.

Like many, I’ve always had a clear feeling of what constitutes trust, but honestly, never invested much, if any, time in really probing the topic. Specifically, purposefully examining how I trust, who I trust and why I trust.

WHAT IS TRUST?

Unequivocally, trust is the most basic, yet elemental force that allows for any human relationship. It is the foundation upon which everything rests; it underpins all. In the context of humanity, in the absence of trust, there is nothing. Outside of that, I figured I’d attempt to get a bit more specificity on the matter and, as per usual, began searching for some scholarly articles.

Oddly, there’s a dearth of academic research related to the topic of trust. In fact, the very definition appears to be somewhat fuzzy and obtuse, even in standardized dictionaries. For example, the Oxford defines it as, “a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something,” while Webster’s slightly more esoteric version is, “feeling safe when vulnerable.” Irrespective of any discrepancies, most of us would agree that while the definition of trust may be rather knotty, we definitely know it when we feel it.

In taking a closer look at a number of sources, what became very clear is that while the actual definition of trust may be somewhat vague, it is certainly comprised of a few very definable elements, which are often deeply inter-related and entwined:

• Reliability & Dependability: Is action and behavior consistent, reliable and predictable? Do they honor commitments and their word?
• Honesty & Transparency – Do they openly share thoughts, feelings, and ideas? Do they espouse and tell the truth?
• Authenticity & Congruity – Is there alignment between what is said or done and what is felt inside? Are thoughts and actions consistently congruent?
• Vulnerability – Is there openness? Is there a capacity to be exposed to the possibility of physical or emotional attack or harm?

While only a summary consolidation of the many themes I noted during my research, these four elements had a personal resonance in supporting my individual thoughts and feelings. In any event, it provided me with a far less amorphous structure from which I could then evaluate my own ideas on trust.

TRUST YOU?

After a bit of sniffing, I was able to suss out a few credible developmental psychologists who had conducted very intriguing studies on how we initially develop trust. While there are slight variances in their theories, all three were aligned that our individual capacity to trust begins at a very early age, as early as the 1^st year (Erickson, 1950) and is significantly influenced by secure attachment patterns with our parents at formative stages, predicated largely on predictability and the predominance of trusting interactions overall. This “assesses an aspect of personality of immediate relevance to trust and mental health (Bowlby, 1981).

Without belaboring the point, the takeaway here is that our capacity for trust is forged during our infancy relative to our experiences and interactions with our parents. I found this research to be key in better understanding the way in which I engage with others and the world.

My baseline position in entering into any human interaction or relationship is always one of complete trust. In my experience, simply assuming the best intentions and character of people is far more expeditious, effective and yields enriched outcomes. This approach is virtually identical to Stephen Covey’s “Speed of Trust” principle. Does this mean I abandon all healthy skepticism or ignore any early warning signs? Of course not. However, I do tend to eschew outright cynicism.

A great example of this is the time when I met a guy while fishing with some other mutual friends. After having fished a couple of other times, he asked if I would be interested in heading to Baja Mexico for a week-long trip. He seemed like a good guy, we got along well, and had some things in common outside of fishing. Nevertheless, I certainly didn’t know him particularly well at all, but agreed to go on the trip. The voice of dissent back at Fate Estate was, “You’re going away with a stranger for a week to the sparsely populated parts of foreign country? Are you insane?” Insane? No. Trusting? Absolutely.

Of course, it turned out to be one of the greatest fishing experiences and adventures of my life. Moreover, I was able to use the trip as the basis to develop a friendship that I highly value today. Neither the trip, nor the friendship would have occurred had I not approached things in my default position of trust. And this is only one of, literally, thousands of examples of the value of bestowing an “advance endowment of trust” to another person, group or situation throughout my lifetime.

TRUST THEM?

So, while I openly trust you, dear reader, once “you” becomes a “them,” then there is a hard back-throttle on the “speed of trust lever.” And, if in the context of “them,” there exists even a scintilla of power and/or money, I generally busy myself with shutting down the “advance-trust machine” and I feverishly begin to hoist my “cynical shields.” Why? Because I am an astute and seasoned student of human nature. An armchair anthropologist, if you will.

The most obvious and ubiquitous example of this scenario is in the wonderful world of work, where there are lots of people, lots of money and lots of power. Not surprisingly, nearly all research and publications on the topic of trust are framed in workplace settings, so there’s no need to dwell here for long.

Simply put, my approach to trust in this setting is markedly different. And while I certainly trust that my paycheck will arrive as promised and that someone will likely not swipe my wallet if it were laying in my office unattended, I have never trusted that I will be always told the truth, my presence is indispensable, or that my smiling colleague wouldn’t slip a dagger into my side if there was a material or even perceived benefit. Why? Because that’s how humans frequently operate in these settings. Human nature simply is what it is and there are many aspects that are repugnant.

Moreover, businesses themselves are not people, they are constructs. They are not conscious, sentient entities and therefore not things that should be imbued with trust. Bottom line, don’t expect much from your company (or organization typified by power and money), even if it’s a good one. Trust here should be earned over time and granted judiciously.

TRUST TRUST?

As I’ve made evident, I’m a pretty trusting person. Since my capacity to do so was inculcated in my early years, I’ll give my parents the credit for a good part of that. The other is likely a function of being fortunate and a somewhat decent judge of character. I have had and continue to have some pretty wonderful people in my life and for that I am grateful.

Does that mean that my trust in someone has not been broken or that I have never done so to another? It sure has. It’s simply a part of living and having any sort of relationship or interaction with a person. Like I said earlier, we all know what trust is when we feel it. And also when it is lost.

Whenever I have experienced a failure of trust, I try to focus on the notion of intentionality. Specifically, I try to understand if the person was deliberately attempting to attack or cause me harm or was it simply a behavioral aberration or something else that could be explained by other anomalous or extenuating circumstances.

I actually spent a good deal of time thinking about every occurrence of failed trust in my personal (non-work) life, which have been few. What I discovered, particularly with the gift of hindsight, time and maturity, is that nearly every instance fell squarely into the later. Sometimes, those breaches were healed, sometimes not, but as it pertains to me, I have always, ultimately, forgiven.

So, what would a life be like without the ability to trust?

What about situations where perhaps trust was not, nor could ever be, restored after it vanished? Does that mean that it was not somehow worth the while? Not worth the trust?

For me, the rewards of trust have always exceeded the risk.

I will always trust trust.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

Who do you trust? How do you trust? Why do you trust. As always, I’d love to hear from you!